Words Have Power, Use Them Wisely

Language influences perception, the words we choose matter, especially with children

Language matters

It’s not even mid-August yet, and I’m already seeing so many back-to-school posts on social media! Granted, it will depend on where in the world you are, but here in Manitoba, we don’t go back until around September 2nd or 3rd. Regardless, I do have a bone to pick about the language used in some of the posts around challenging behaviours in school.

Why is it when a “typically-developing” person does something, we use common vernacular to describe the behaviour — whereas when a disabled, Autistic, or otherwise atypically developing person does the same thing we use pathologizing, medicalized, or institutionalized language to describe the behaviour?

For example: elopement.

Eloped; eloping. Transitive verb — / i-ˈlōp / to slip away : ESCAPE. To leave a health care or educational facility without permission or authorization…a.k.a. running away.

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Implications and inferences

I think my primary issue with this (aside from the unnecessary pathologizing language) is the term “elopement” implies misbehaviour, something done without permission, something done with intent to break a rule.

When a child runs away, especially in the context of leaving the school building, this is very often a result of overwhelm and distress. Something is too much for the child to endure, their survival instincts kick in, and their nervous system tells them to run away to safety. The child may be in a state of panic. They may not be thinking about what they’re doing, only acting with a self-preservation reflex. When the brain is signalling danger, there’s no measured consideration of the rules, future consequences, or anything other than getting away.

This doesn’t describe every situation where a child takes off from adults, but I very often hear school staff use the term “elopement” to describe a very overwhelmed child leaving their school building or grounds while in some form of distress.

That’s not elopement. That’s running away. It’s not intentional rule-breaking or misbehaviour, it’s self-preservation. Yet, often times — with this, and many other stress-induced behaviours — it’s treated as though it were a result of the child acting out, behaving “badly”.