Why I Intentionally Unmask With Clients
Professionalism is performative and safe spaces to be ourselves are invaluable
A lot of expectations around “professionalism” are performative
I’m capable of masking to the point of nearly “passing” as a slightly quirky, fidgety neurotypical. I could put on my professional mask and look much like every other coach, tutor, therapist, counsellor, or advocate my clients have seen before.
Except those professionals and clinicians haven’t always been helpful, otherwise this prospective client wouldn’t be reaching out to me.
For some, those therapists or counsellors were worse than unhelpful and actually caused them harm through ignorance, perpetuating stereotypes, and invalidating their experiences.
If I look like every one that has come before, some of whom are connected to negative experiences, I will be less effective and less able to actually support my client. It is much more difficult to build trust and connect when you are pretending to be someone you’re not.
Is it more important to perform the neuronormative expectation of what “professional” looks like, or to have someone competent and knowledgeable, who also possesses lived experience as an Autistic and ADHD adult?
Further, once they (usually the parents or adults, not the kids) get used to my unique style, they come to identify with what they see. I am a (fairly) successful entrepreneur with a strong academic background. I’m also the parent of an awesome ND kid.
Knowing I’m like them, yet doing well for myself, can provide insight into what is possible when you develop self-knowledge, self-understanding, and self-acceptance.
I’m also role-modelling authenticity and strategies that work for me. When I use fidget toys, or am just fidgety, when I joke about setting at least five reminders for each of my appointments, I’m letting them know it’s okay to need accommodations or supports to thrive when living in a world which is centred around the neurotypical experience.
Performance is unsustainable
We can only keep up the act for so long. If we’re pretending to be someone we’re not, we’re setting ourselves — and our partners or clients — up for disappointment, and possibly failure.
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