Let Kids Play and Be Heard
Denying recess, planned ignoring, and behaviour contracts are counter-productive
When my son informed us his teacher had threatened that students would have to stay in for recess if they didn’t complete a particular activity by that time, I made it very clear to both the teacher and principal this was highly inappropriate.
No child should be denied recess unless there is a health or safety concern, and in the cases where safety is an issue, there should be a clear plan in place for supporting the child to join their peers for outdoor play and recess as quickly as possible.
This is a follow up to my recent article, Behaviourism Is Not Inclusion, in which I address major issues with a program called Positive Behavioural Interventions and Supports (PBIS).
PBIS is advertised as a “positive” approach, but is essentially Applied Behaviour Analysis (ABA) in prettier packaging.
“While framed in “positive language,” they remain based on this underlying principle: Do as you are told or we (the school) will need to punish you.” — Dr. Lori Desautels
At the end of my previous piece I mentioned there were further issues I would return to, so here they are, as promised.
Owing time at recess
One of the suggested consequences for “inappropriate” behaviours is for a student to owe time at recess, lunch, or after school to make up for time lost in class.
Not a chance, and certainly not in elementary. It would be counter-productive and cruel to deny a child access to fresh air, outdoor play, and unstructured time with friends.
There are important developmental, social, and academic benefits to children playing outdoors, in particular from unstructured play. Extensive studies have shown recess improves academic performance, enhances creativity, improves executive functioning and focus, as well as classroom behaviour.
This is true for all children, and will be particularly important for neurodivergent children, especially those with ADHD. My son absolutely needs to move, as do most children. If he were denied opportunities to be active during the day, such as recess and phys ed., his classroom behaviour and academic performance would certainly decline.
Denying a child recess is developmentally inappropriate, but also sets them up for a vicious cycle. When prevented from going outside to play, students will have an even more difficult time following the teacher’s expectations, and are more likely to receive further consequences — essentially punished for being a kid.
Planned ignoring
Planned ignoring is intentionally disregarding the child’s feelings and experience. It is unkind, invalidating, and harmful to the adult-child relationship.
In my previous piece, I mentioned the few aspects of the document I found positive, one of which was the statement “the teacher–student relationship is extremely important and takes time and trust to build.”
The document then proceeds to recommend a number of approaches which do the exact opposite, including planned ignoring.
Firstly, this assumes that a child’s acting out is intentional and attention-seeking. So-called “misbehaviour” is stress behaviour and is a sign that a child is lacking skills needed for that particular situation.
When a child’s behaviour is deemed inappropriate by the adult in the room, the child’s behaviour is communicating something: usually that they feel overwhelmed, unhappy, anxious, or uncomfortable.
“The behaviour is just the signal… If caregivers are focused only on modifying behaviour, then all they’re modifying is the signal. But they’re not solving any of the problems that are causing the signal.” — Dr. Ross Greene
Ignoring the child’s behaviour is akin to ignoring the child’s efforts to solicit adult help and support.
Ignoring the behaviour sends the message that the child is on their own with their big feelings, and they are being rejected by the people they rely on to feel safe and secure.
“When we are ignored as human beings, it decreases our emotional links to other people, who should be our life rafts when we are suffering.”
— Dr. Mona Delahooke
This document even advises teachers they can engage the help of other students in ignoring the behaviour, even creating a cue to ignore a certain behaviour.
This is wrong for so many reasons, but the two main problems are the adult is now encouraging peers to reject the student, and is also recruiting the other students to assist the teacher in classroom management.
None of that is okay.
Behaviour contracts
I kid you not. A child is struggling to meet behavioural expectations and the adults want the kid to enter into a contract promising to follow the rules. What this amounts to is the following:
The adults are not meeting the child’s needs, therefore the child’s behaviour is communicating they feel overwhelmed, unsafe, stressed, or anxious.
The adults either have not attempted to figure out what the child needs from them, or are unable (or unwilling) to meet the child’s needs — or they don’t know how.
The adults are assuming the child is not meeting expectations intentionally, despite all the research and literature clearly explaining this is almost never the case (i.e. Alfie Kohn, Ross Greene, Lori Desautels, Dan Siegel, Stuart Shanker, to name but a few).
Instead of digging down, supporting the child, and trying to get to the root of the trouble, the adults are throwing up their hands. They don’t know what to do, so they are playing the onus on the child, rather than educating themselves and doing better.
“Repeated negative behaviours we see are signals communicating emotional, mental, or physiological needs.” — Dr. Lori Desautels
The child is currently unable to meet the demands of the school, yet instead of supporting the child to develop the skills and reduce their stress, they want to increase the pressure on the child to “behave”, lest they break their contract and reap the consequences.
The adults can then claim the child knew what would happen if they didn’t stick to the terms of their contract.
Never mind whether the contract was reasonable and fair, whether the child was supported to meet the expectations, or whether they’re even developmentally capable of meeting them.
“You can’t coerce or even teach a child to have control over something they can’t actually control.” — Dr. Mona Delahooke
The last point in this section states the parents may be involved in the development and implementation of the contract. May — as in maybe. I don’t know about other parents, but I’d definitely be raising hell if my minor child was bullied into signing a contract without a parent present.
Since I am an adult (or considered one legally, at least), I decided to fill out this behaviour contract for myself. Here’s one section of it, as my parting gift to you, the reader:
© Jillian Enright, Neurodiversity MB
Related articles
Play Is More Important Than Wet Socks
Planned Ignoring is Still Neglect
Ways to support my work
You can leave a “tip” on Ko-Fi at https://Ko-Fi.com/NeurodiversityMB
Become a paid subscriber to my Substack publication
Check out my online store at https://NeurodiversityMB.ca/shop
Read and share my articles from twoemb.medium.com
You can also follow me on facebook & Blue Sky, and find all my links on LinkTree
Learn more
“Misbehaviour” is Really Stress Behaviour
Children Are Entitled To Autonomy
Behaviour Management Programs are Harmful & Ableist
References
Delahooke, M. (2019). Beyond Behaviors: using brain science and compassion to understand and solve children’s behavioral challenges. PESI Publishing.
Delahooke, M. (2022). Brain-Body Parenting: How to stop managing behaviour and start raising joyful, resilient kids. Harper Collins.
Desautels, L. (2020). Connections Over Compliance: Rewiring our perceptions of discipline. Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing.
Greene, Ross, W. (2021). Lost & Found: Unlocking collaboration and compassion to help our most vulnerable, misunderstood students, and all the rest. (2nd ed.). Jossey-Bass.
Sahlberg, P., & Doyle, W. (2019). Let the Children Play: how more play will save our schools and help children thrive. Oxford Press.
"... essentially punished for being a kid...."
We were all children, once. Those who issue these punishments, for various social, political and psychological reasons, have forgotten that, and need to be reminded of it often.