Why Emotional Regulation Is So Damn Difficult
It requires neurological maturity and a complex set of skills
Self-regulation is the ability to notice and change the energy in our bodies.
— Dr. Robyn Gobbel
Emotional self-regulation requires three things:
The ability to recognize when our energy doesn’t match what’s needed for the situation;
An ability to notice (be aware of) the energy in our bodies and how it’s impacting our external behaviour; and
The skills to actually regulate that energy to better fit our needs
Once upon a time…
When I was about 9 or 10 years old I was signed up for Girl Guides against my will. I loved the outdoors and camping, so it was assumed I would enjoy this program. I did not.
There weren’t a lot of traditional scouting activities like orienteering, hiking, camping, canoeing, and outdoor survival skills. I remember a lot of games involving running around the school gymnasium, crafts, and singing songs.
Those were not my cup of tea, so to speak.
There was one camping trip, but it was winter camping and I didn’t have a winter weight sleeping bag. I slept in my snowsuit and was still cold. That was miserable, but altogether beside the point.
I don’t remember a lot of specifics about my short-lived Guiding career, but I do vividly recall one particular evening. I think it was near the end of the night when the leaders try to gather everyone into a circle so we can sing taps and go home.
For one reason or another, I was running around the gym and acting — well, like a 10 year old child with undiagnosed ADHD, probably. The leader must have been trying unsuccessfully to get my attention (did I mention I also had undiagnosed hearing loss? yeah…), because she suddenly yelled at me to “SIT DOWN!”
I sat down.
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