We Needn’t Fear The Children
They’re generally not waiting to do bad things the second our backs are turned
Our education system is counter-development
Much of the prominent parenting advice is similarly misinformed. Contrary to popular belief, children are generally not waiting to do bad things the second our backs are turned.
When they’re young, children learn by watching and following our example. As kids grow older those early values instilled in them are carried forward, but are enhanced and refined through experience.
How we treat children, and how we treat others in the presence of children, teaches them so much more than they’ll ever learn through lessons, lectures, or adult-imposed consequences.
Yet as a society we tend to lean heavily on the latter.
“The preponderance of heteronomous control in schools contributed to the creation of students who were quite comfortable letting* others control them intellectually and morally.” — Jean Piaget
*(I would replace “letting” with “having”, as children don’t really have much choice in the matter).
Piaget’s Theory of Moral Development
Heteronomous morality (~5–9* Yrs)
*estimate based on typical development
(Hetero- is a prefix meaning “different” or “other”), and onomy (or onomous) is a suffix which can mean “manage”. At this age, children believe that rules are unchangeable and imposed by authorities.
Heteronomous morality, also called moral realism, is a belief that morality is imposed from the outside. At this stage of development, children regard morality as obeying other people’s rules and laws, which cannot be changed.
Autonomous morality (~9-10* Yrs)
*estimate based on typical development
At this stage of development, older children recognize that rules are created by people and can be negotiated.
“Auto” — is a prefix meaning “oneself”. The term autonomous infers that children begin to develop the ability to self-monitor and self-manage moral choices.
Autonomous morality, also called moral relativism, refers to morality based on one’s own rules. At this stage of development, children recognize there is no absolute right or wrong, and begin to believe that morality depends on intentions not consequences.
Yes, there are nuance and complexity with those concepts, but we’re talking about 10 year olds, so let’s give them a break here.
How we treat children, and how we treat others in the presence of children, teaches them much more than they’ll ever learn from lectures or punishment.
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