We Can’t Negotiate Everything With Our Kids
Which is exactly why we should be flexible whenever possible
Because I said so
When I say children should be allowed to question authority and adults should role-model flexibility and a willingness to listen, the most common question I get in response is,
“But everything can’t be a negotiation! What if it’s a safety issue?”
If children are seen and heard when there is time for conversation, they are more likely to take us seriously when we say “this is a safety issue” or “this one is non-negotiable”.
If we’re constantly expecting unquestioning obedience and compliance, with a don’t question my authority attitude, then children are more likely to be at risk because we haven’t differentiated between situations which allow for flexibility and those which do not.
We cannot expect children to develop and demonstrate cognitive flexibility, adaptability, and a willingness to compromise if we’re not willing and able to role-model what that looks like. We’re the adults, it’s our job to set the example.
Expressing differences of opinion and learning how to disagree respectfully are very important life skills.
It may be inconvenient (and sometimes frustrating) when children argue, disagree, and debate with us. Our feelings and exhaustion are valid, we can acknowledge and make space for that. However it’s not our job to mold children into more adaptable, convenient humans.
It’s our responsibility to guide them as to how to pick their battles and help them develop tact and diplomacy. We can teach through role-modelling how to disagree in a respectful manner.
We’re the adults, it’s our job to set the example.
Children are people too
It may sound silly, but we often forget that children have rights as fellow human beings. We impede upon their rights all the time. Sometimes we do so in their best interests, but sometimes we do so for the sake of our own needs and wants.
When we teach children through our actions that they have the right to autonomy and participation, they internalize this message, and carry it with them into adolescence and adulthood.
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