Stop Telling People To “Calm Down”

First of all, it’s condescending. Secondly, it doesn’t benefit who you might think.

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I have a question

Why do intensity and passion make people so uncomfortable? Please note, I’m mostly talking about allistic (non-Autistic) North Americans (Canadians), because that’s where my primary experiences come from.

I love respectful, passionate debate and conversation. I may seem quite intense when engaged in conversation about a special interest or something which evokes strong emotions from me.

I’ve noticed this seems to make a lot of people uncomfortable, and they try to “settle” things down, or change the subject, rather than allowing people to simply feel and express their emotions.

This even happens when I’m excited, happy, or passionate about something — not just in situations where a conversation or debate seems to be getting a bit tense.

I think this has a lot to do with how we’re socialized growing up. We’re taught to “control” our emotions and behaviours, and we’re given the message that intense or passionate expressions of emotion are somehow “wrong”.

North American allistic culture seems to value stoicism, self-control, and the ability to mask our emotions — it’s important to appear calm, cool, and collected at all times. We disparage people for getting “too emotional” and laud those who can hide their feelings well.

WHY?! I don’t get it.

We’re even instructing and teaching children to “calm” themselves. They’re getting the message (whether directly or indirectly) that anger is bad and wrong, even getting “too” excited or happy is frowned upon.

So many important changes have happened in our history because people were passionate, emotional, even angry — their strong reactions drove them to push for positive change, to take action to right a wrong.

…

Oh.