Apparently April 27 is (was*) “Autism Super Mom Day”.
…You’ll all be shocked to learn that I have an opinion about this.
(*Follow me on Medium to ensure you never miss an article!)
I’m more of a nihilistic neurodivergent
Raising my child does not make me a super hero, it makes me a very lucky parent.
Characterizing ourselves as “super moms” and martyring ourselves only perpetuates negative stereotypes about how “hard” it is to have Autistic kids (also, why is it only super “moms”, and not super parents?).
Of course it’s hard to have kids who are different, but what often makes it difficult is how others treat our children. It makes it hard when people don’t see how awesome they are.
It’s constantly coming up against these barriers, regularly having to advocate and fight for our most basic human rights and needs to be met that truly take superhero strength and stamina.
We’re not “super” parents, we’re super-lucky parents. Our kids are amazing.
It’s extremely ableist to assume our kids are inherently more “difficult” because they’re neurodivergent.
To be (more) clear
This in no way is intended to minimize the struggles that many families experience, nor the incredible efforts parents put forth to do everything they possibly can for their children.
Raising Autistic children does not make us super, society’s ableism and harmful actions toward disabled and neurodivergent people and families are what force us to become “super” parents.
A lot of parents have had to reduce their hours at work, or give up careers entirely, in order to advocate and care for their children full-time. This is a societal issue, not an issue with the child.
Many parents are pushed into exhaustion and burnout because we’re having to constantly push back against a narrow system that doesn’t understand, or even try to understand, our kids.
If parents are super, it’s because we’ve had no other choice.
What I want is for people not to pity our families, or assume Autistic children are more difficult to raise.
Autistic people and families do not need anyone’s pity.
Instead, I want people to look at the systems, societies, and cultures that surround us.
See how our school systems, communities, governments, etc. ignore our needs.
See how these systems built by and for Neurotypical people often harm Autistics.
It’s constantly coming up against these barriers, regularly having to advocate and fight for our most basic human rights and needs to be met that truly take superhero strength and stamina.
Whose life is it anyway?
Centering the experiences and feelings of allistic parents over the experiences and feelings of Autistic children is also, as kids these days like to say, “cringe”.
So if you want to admire the “courage” and strength of Autistics, parents, and families…
Admire our kids’ strengths. Appreciate who they are, exactly as they are.
They deserve that. We all deserve that.
If parents are super, it’s because we’ve had no other choice.
Parents shouldn’t have to be super heroes, they should be able to focus on just being parents.
© Jillian Enright, Neurodiversity MB
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