Building Confidence and Self-Concept
Essentials for helping someone who may be suffering due to low self-esteem
Rejection sensitivity
There’s a quote that is frequently floated around, although it was more of an off-the-cuff remark in an opinion piece than an actual evidence-based statistic.
Regardless of its validity, it is relatable and powerful because it highlights a common struggle amongst neurodivergent folks (in this case, kids with ADHD, but I believe it applies to just about anyone who is different). The quote is as follows,
“In school alone, a child with ADHD could receive 20,000 corrective or negative comments by the time they are age 10.” — Dr. Michael Jellinek
Whether it’s 10 thousand or 50 thousand, the point remains. Those of us who are different tend to be blamed for not conforming, not fitting in, and not doing things like the majority.
Well, that’s sort of the reason we have diagnoses, divergent identities, disabilities, and other explanations for these differences. A certain percentage of the population does things differently because we are different.
After a lifetime of being told we’re too much or not enough, it’s absolutely no surprise that many neurodivergent and disabled folks develop poor self-concept, internalized stigma, and low self-esteem.
Zoom out
When a person struggles with low self-esteem, most supports are aimed solely at the individual. The most common “treatment” is cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), which essentially focuses on challenging faulty logic or distorted thoughts which lead to unhelpful (or “maladaptive”) behaviours.
Many people do find CBT and similar therapies immensely helpful, and I in no way wish to diminish the importance of effective supports. The concern, however, is cases in which individuals are victims of marginalization (oppression, racism, xenophobia, ableism, stigma, etc.).
When someone has been mistreated and has internalized many of the negative messages they received about themselves, it may be helpful for them to learn how to challenge those inaccurate thoughts which have become accepted as fact in their mind.
That said, focusing on the individual and treating their so-called “faulty” thinking may inadvertently (or directly) put the blame on them, whilst ignoring significant social and environmental factors which have largely contributed to their poor self-concept.
Zooming in
Knowing we (unfortunately) cannot solve these massive systemic issues overnight, we do need some effective supports to help rebuild our own self-esteem, or that of someone we love — often both.
I’ll touch on five essential ways we can help someone improve their self-concept and increase their self-confidence. Of course, always keeping in mind that every person is different, and what works for some may not work for others.
Always respect people’s boundaries and preferences when you are attempting to offer or provide support.
Don’t forget that patience is required. It has taken a lifetime to develop the thinking patterns, behaviours, habits, and beliefs we hold right now. It will take a long time to change them, but the idea is not to aim for reprogramming our entire brain.
This is gradual, life-long work for all of us. While it takes a lot of time and effort, that doesn’t mean we can’t or won’t see improvement in the short-term, but we may need to be patient as we forge new neural pathways.
Necessities for improving self-esteem
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Neurodiversity MB to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.