Blame The System, Not The Child
If you’re angry at the children you support, it’s time to take a step back
When our anger gets misplaced
When I say ‘misplaced’, I don’t mean I temporarily lost my anger, although that would be kind of funny — and not all that unusual, considering I have ADHD and lose things all the time.
In this case I am using a different definition of the word, which means to direct a feeling towards someone or something wrongly, or in a way that does not show good judgment.
Priorities and accountability
“If something happens, we’re the ones who shoulder the responsibility.”
An Educational Assistant (EA) said this to me in a meeting once. My son had had an EA looking over his shoulder for months, and it was (justifiably) driving him crazy.
Can you imagine having someone nitpick at your every move, redirect you every single time you were “off task”, even for a second? How can a child learn, explore, connect with peers (or anyone), when they have someone breathing down their neck all day long?
They can’t. He couldn’t.
I had suggested they give him some space and was immediately met with resistance. I wasn’t saying he didn’t need support, at that time he did, but their “support” was making things worse instead of helping.
The EA was more worried about getting into trouble than about providing effective support for my son. That said, I don’t entirely blame them, because I believe there was some truth to their statement.
From my experience, their administrator was likely putting a lot of pressure on them to be within arm’s reach of my son at all times. She was instilling fear in her staff, leading them to believe something “bad” was going to happen and they’d be held accountable.
I replied that it must be an unhealthy working environment if someone is operating under the fear of getting in trouble with their superiors. That’s not how supportive leadership works.
The EA was more worried about getting into trouble than about providing effective support for my son.
More importantly, their concern was what was best for themselves, not my son or the other children in the school.
That’s messed up.
They were mad at the wrong person
This EA was frustrated. My son had been really struggling, and the EA believed the school had been trying everything. (Spoiler alert: they definitely were not).
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